When gay legends Dylan Garsee and Kirk Van Sickle began their podcast, Straight People Movies (available on all podcast platforms), they slowly realized that they were treading pretty murky waters because at the center of everything they do is the question: what IS a straight person movie?

Plenty has been written about what makes a movie feminist or queer, but the point-of-view that has dominated most filmmaking (and pretty much every other art form) is surprisingly more difficult to pin down. Perhaps, the straight perspective is so pervasive in our culture that we rarely analyze what that perspective even is. Hell, we’re not even sure if they know what their perspective is. That’s why we’re here! Straight People Movies hopes to mine the complex, troubled and problematic waters of straightness through the movies they cherish and love. Whether it’s a Tarantino-loving cinephile, sports-movie-enthusiast Dad or a chick-flick-stanning Karen: we got you covered!

As we celebrate releasing our first ten episodes, we thought we’d share with you all of the similarities we have found in the movies we’ve watched so far. Though we’ve watched movies new and old, smart and dumb, funny and sad, we’ve come to learn that perhaps we didn’t just imagine the concept of Straight People Movies and we’re actually trailblazers that are onto something…

10. Quotability

Ok, we can’t give the straights too much credit for this one (try meeting one gay that doesn’t have a Paris Is Burning quote ready to use when the mood strikes), but jeez do straight people love a one-liner! Whether its “Yipee Ki Yay, motherfucker!” or a bad impression of Borat or a bad impression of Arnold Schwarzeneggar, straight bros really just can’t help themselves, can they? Perhaps that’s why action movies and buddy comedies are littered with as many catchphrases as they can possibly fit into the script. When enough years pass by, the movies themselves can just become the legion of dudes that can’t stop quoting them!

Take for instance SPM #2: The Princess Bride. Can most people give you an ample plot description of the fantasy-comedy classic? Nope. But they sure as hell will give you their best “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Also, why do all of the good lines always go to the men? Unfortunately, not enough funny lines were given to Robin Wright’s iconic Princess Buttercup. Ugh, it really is “inconceivable!”

9. Meta-ness

This one goes out to all our intellectual babes! In case you’re dumb (like us), here’s a definition of meta:

referring to itself or to the conventions of its genre; self-referential.

Basically, a lot of Straight People Movies seem to be so obsessed with what they’re doing, aesthetically or otherwise, that the movies themselves need the audience to know that it knows it! Does that make sense? Of course it doesn’t! Whereas queer movies rely on “camp” to poke fun at itself, straight movies tend to veer toward the more “serious” and “profound” meta structure. My brain hurts…

Here’s a good example: SPM #5 Logan. This iteration of the X-Men series not only takes its cues from old-school westerns and 70s crime movies, it also introduces the real-world X-Men comics into the film. Postmodernism is cute and all, but when it all gets jumbled up like this, it can start to feel a tad bit pretentious. We love references but make it fun! Please!!

8. Woman Falling in Love with Horrible Man for No Reason

Ok, this one is actually mind-boggling and super pervasive across the board. Though so many movies feature male protagonists that are either ugly, dumb or a loser (or all three), somehow a beautiful, smart, kind, all-around perfect woman sees through all of that to see the person he is deep inside? Right. This convention is so common that you’ll see it in all genres! The biggest culprit: comedies. Thanks, Woody Allen.

Now we know it’s a slapstick comedy but hear us out: SPM #6 Anchorman. You’ll find that in most 00s bro-comedies, a gorgeous lady falls for a despicable manchild for really no reason, but this movie really takes the cake. It’s truly a testament to Christina Applegate’s performance that she makes it work! Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy is such a whiny, stupid baffoon that you really can’t see what she sees in him. Yes, we know it’s part of the joke, but why? Are movies the reason why we’re attracted to idiots? Probably! (Don’t get us started on the romance in SPM #9 Rocky).

7. Training Montage aka Sports

Speaking of Rocky, we’ve recently decided that sports movies are the ultimate straight genre and the Training Montage? The most recognizable of Straight People Movie motifs. Can you name a more over-parodied movie sequence? While we’d much rather eat chips, drink wine and listen to records, straight male protagonists in sports movies will do whatever it takes to win that trophy. I guess straight people need to invent their own obstacles to overcome!

Rocky blindly and delusionally fights for the Boxing World Champion title and somehow he basically wins! From Rudy to Miracle, sports movies continue the tradition of the underdog prevailing. It’s the American Dream! And in straight world, dreams do, in fact, come true.

6. Dirty, Gritty Aesthetics

Whereas most movies that belong in “gay” canon showcase gorgeous setpieces, volumes of hair and every color in the rainbow, we’ve noticed that Straight People Movies are not as concerned with eye candy. In a lot of cases, these movies are downright ugly, dark and filthy (not in the John Waters way). I guess straight people think real life looks drab and that the post-apocalyptic world isn’t going to look like Chromatica!

Speaking of post-apocalyptic, SPM #3 Mad Max: Fury Road’s got a particularly nasty aesthetic. However, we’re not here to drag it! The film boasts impressive, DIY-style art direction. Though we all have to admit that Immortan Joe’s design is truly disgusting. Along with Fury Road, fellow SPM movie Logan thinks a more realistic Wolverine film means buckets of blood and sweat, yellow lighting and handheld cinematography. Ever heard of neon?

5. The Perfect Man

On the flipside of “Woman Falling in Love with a Horrible Man,” Straight People Movies also love a perfect man! Yes, we’re contradicting ourselves. No, we don’t care. When a character is a Perfect Man, it tends to be in romance films and they are everything: smart, funny, witty, brave. They will do anything to win the affections of the female lead and it’s NOT creepy because he’s so hot!

So far, we’ve had three protagonists fall under this trope: Ryan Gosling’s strong, silent type in Drive; Cary Elwes’ cunning, charming Wesley in The Princess Bride and the ultimate Perfect Man: Leonardo Dicaprio’s Jack in Titanic. Jack is adventurous, full-of-life, and teaches Rose how to unapologetically be herself. He even sacrifices his life for her! Swoon. Admittedly, this convention works about every damn time but where are all of these “Perfect Men” in real life? Hmm??

4. Troubled Anti-Hero

To finish out our trifecta of male protagonists, we’ve got the deepest and darkest one of all: the Troubled Anti-Hero. While the Anchorman-style Manchild exists mostly in comedies and the Perfect Man populates romances, the Troubled Anti-Hero shows up in dramas and crime movies. This archetype is a favorite of cinephiles and tends to win the Oscar! I’m looking at you, Joaquin.

What’s an antihero? He’s usually a scruffy lowlife who smokes cigarettes and probably drinks too much. He can be aggressive like Wolverine in Logan or totally wacked-out like Mad Max, but we’re going to talk about one of our favorite antiheroes in recent years: Adam Sandler as Howard Ratner in Uncut Gems. Howard is a gambling addict with a crumbling marriage and at least three gangs trying to break his legs. Yet, we root for him to get himself out of the mess he keeps making worse and worse. We probably love anti-heroes because we get to see people do things that we would never do in real life. Though sometimes it seems like Straight People relate to these characters a little too much. Be more like The Perfect Man!

3. Casual Violence Against Women

Ok, we don’t mean to sound flippant about such a serious topic but it’s truly INSANE how many movies we’ve watched for the podcast that have had some iteration of violence against women in them. The Princess Bride hits Robin Wright, Titanic hits Kate Winslet, Anchorman hits Christina Applegate… the list goes on and on. Misogynistic violence is an unfortunate reality so why is it featured in so many of the world’s most famous films?

Take our first ever episode on arthouse-noir Drive. Actual icon from Mad Men, Christina Hendricks, has only five lines in the film and somehow, in that short amount of screen time, gets smacked by quasi-good guy lead Ryan Gosling. She gets no back story outside of being a supposed floozy who's gotten herself into a life of crime. On top of that, she gets one of the film’s most violent deaths! Ok, Nicolas Winding Refn, but what’s the point? For us, we end up yearning for a narrative from her point-of-view. We’re tired of seeing victimized women for the sake of it, Hollywood!

2. Daddy Issues

Here we go. The ultimate trope. Daddy Issues.

Daddy issues seem to make up a huge portion of themes presented in what we lovingly call Straight People Movies. Whether it’s dad figures competing to be the better dad (Drive), being thrown unexpectedly into a paternal role (Max Mad: Fury Road, Logan) or just being a really really bad dad (Uncut Gems), straight movies seem to be rather obsessed with the concept of fatherhood. Sounds like dads just need to tell their kids “I love you” more!

In particular, Korean action-zombie movie Train to Busan (SPM #10) has an entire narrative built around the question of “who’s the better daddy?” Gong Yoo plays despicable hedge fund manager Seok-woo who hasn’t got a moment’s time for his sad little daughter, but after a zombie apocalypse breaks out, he experiences an arc from greedy dirtbag to Father of the Year. Seok-woo even has a daddy competition with the beefy Ma Dong-seok (actual Father of the Year) and the film’s villain is basically just a Ghost-of-Christmas-Future version of the protagonist if he doesn’t get his priorities straight. Sounds like straight people are working through a lot of issues when they are watching movies. Therapy’s expensive so we get it!

1. A Visceral Response to Straightness

Ok, so our #1 choice might seem like a cop-out or a little too abstract but hear us out. Just like with gay movies, straight movies just have a certain vibe to them. Sometimes, you just know something is a certain way but can’t put your finger on why. Most of our film choices came from instinct. You just know it when you see it.

For example, we decided all superhero movies are straight. Why? Because we just feel like it’s true. Plenty of gays love a comic book but it just didn’t feel right to say any superhero movie was gay (even Batman & Robin). Good guy vs. bad guy shit just feels like straight canon. One film that surprised us on how campy and low-key gay it was: Zack Snyder’s Justice League. The questionable needle drops, bizarre aesthetic choices and corny dialogue stumped the two gays at Straight People Movies. Is this movie gay? Straight? Both? That’s the fun of the journey we’re on. No matter how many movies we watch, we’re still not completely sure what the differences are between straight and gay movies. A lot of movies are both. A lot of movies surprise us. At the end of the day, we’re making it up as we go along and learning who we are and the world we’re living in throughout the process. That’s cinema, baby! Even when it’s straight.

What Makes a Straight People Movie?